


I hate you more now that I love you.

by pxstelpunk



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Actually yes there will be smut, Angst, BDSM, Comfort, Denial, Draco and Harry are gay for each other, Everybody Needs Hugs, Exhibitionism, Experimentation, Fluff, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Pining, Reluctant Friendship, Self denial, Suicidal Mentions, Voyeurism, and, bear with me please, crashing totally in love, fear of being yelled at, fear of commitment, first fic please don’t shoot, harry also needs a hug, it will end as nicely as these two can be together, mentions of eating disorders, of it though, past self harm, possibly smut, seriously there’s deep shit, so it’s gonna be rocky, sometimes draco just needs a hug, there may be some Dom/Sub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 21:05:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13396215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxstelpunk/pseuds/pxstelpunk
Summary: Post Battle Hogwarts, Eighth year for students hoping for their NEWTS, and just because the battle was finished, and the Dark Lord is now dead, doesn’t mean there isn’t anymore war. People are hurting still, and just as lost as ever, if not more. Harry lost role models and nearly parental figures in his life, a young man who was near a brother. Draco lost his mentor, and his parents will never be the same. He won’t be the same. Is there really a point to continue this, if everything is setting him up for failure? To feel like he’s allowed to be loved? And Harry, will he be able to feel as though he’s capable to love people without them leaving him forever?





	I hate you more now that I love you.

Draco didn’t know why he was back here. There was nearly nobody who liked him, and so what’s the point, nobody would want to hire somebody as flighty and dangerous as him. And yet he had accepted the request of Headmaster McGonagle to return to Hogwarts for the completion of his education. The ride to said school was nearly excruciating, as was the parting hug he had given his mother. So many memories, most of which had been burned and turned into something bitter in the back of his mind. Nobody talked to him, but he could see the looks, and hear the whispers. Fortunately enough he had gotten a compartment alone, until Pansy and Blaise had shown up, and later, that blasted Granger girl with Weasley and Potter. The worst train ride of his life. Draco hadn’t even really said anything, nearly bursting at the seams with wanting to kick something, but staying with his face to the window of the compartment, even when the sun had gone down and there as nothing to see anymore. He was mildly surprised nobody killed anybody in those few hours, but he supposed it wasn’t too difficult what with when there was conversation it was about classes or quidditch.

The thing that bothered Draco the most, that made his stomach just churn, was how closely Potter would look at him. Who gave him the right to stare at Draco as though he were some photograph, or object. And the fact that he’d done it so openly too! Draco had decided that with his apology or not, the few months earlier, did not excuse him from Potters suspicions. Not that it would, Draco had proven nearly the whole world he knew that he’d grown up near incapable of “doing good” in the world. He’d fucked up. Sometimes he would try to convince himself he didn’t have a choice, but by now he was just so tired of everything, he wasn’t so sure. Maybe he wanted everything to go to shit, it was for him anyway as life was currently. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be alive to deal with himself, or the obnoxious sound of ringing that filled his ears at that moment when he woke to people moving around him.

“Malfoy, fucking wake up already, it’s near breakfast time and really you should be ready for the first day.” Draco pulled his wand from under his pillow and flicked it, the privacy curtains that wrapped around his bed swinging to the side as he slid out from his covers. “How... lovely of you to wake me, Longbottom, if perhaps you may have considered that maybe I was already awake?” Draco said tersely, not looking to the tall dark haired male, who he shared a room along with Weasley in. That was a lie, and he didn’t care if Longbottom knew it too or not, because while he felt a bit guilty for being such a prick, he told himself he was doomed with two Gryffindor’s who were close friends with dear Golden Potter.

“Alright mate, I’m going, erm... yeah.” Draco relaxed once he heard the other male leave, and found himself his tailored black slacks and a white buttoned shirt, with a blaizer over that, and his robes and shoes. He was up, and may as well stay up. But he couldn’t go to breakfast. Not with so many people in there, who would be able to see him go in. No, just the thought made his insides cold and sick, and his head light. He would go for a walk, maybe to the Black Lake, before his first class. Advanced Potions, with Professor Slughorn.

Draco really could not wait till bed time, when he could take a modified sleep potion, and just be totally out of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this first chapter is mostly Draco’s point of view, and I’ll have it switch from him and Harry, quite likely. I’m really excited about this, and this first chapter is short. (Edit): I AM SO SORRY, apparently my phone thinks it’s McGonagal instead of McGonagall and aaaaaahhhhh that’s emBaRraSSinG. Sorry you had to witness that!


End file.
